Can I talk about a rarely talked about subject:
End of Life.
None of us want to talk about it.
If we don’t, it’s not our reality is a lot of though process.
Here are some tips & things I have found helpful & useful in my journey the past 27 months.
Have the “hard conversations”. It’ll help. Might not seem like it but if you talk about the elephant in the room, it won’t be as large. It might bring you or your loved ones some peace.
If you don’t have a will and/or trust.. make one.
If you have one, make sure it’s up to date.
Have you moved states?
Gotten married or divorced?
Had children?
Have grand children?
If have a trust, are things titled in the trust? If not, it’s outside the trust & trust isn’t “funded” & it’s not serving the purpose it’s intended to.
Living Will & Advanced directive?
Make one. Update it if you have one.
Under aged children…. Prepare guardian papers for the “just in case”.
Passwords: Amazon sells a “password book”. For those over 50, it’s similar to the old address books we had back in the day. Keep it updated & don’t forget to put your phone password in it.
All financial accounts:
Bank, investments, retirement 401, 503B, pension, Roth ect… make a list of them inc account numbers, where it’s at, website, phone number & passwords. Look at beneficiaries & update if needed. Some have had for Years & life might have changed since you opened them
Life insurance: same as financial accounts.
Bills: if your the 1 who manages household budget & bills… involve the spouse. You may be incapable due to treatment at a certain point.
Vehicles: be sure they are titled OR, not And.
If And and you pass, your spouse can’t just sign off on title. It’s a process & added stress nobody needs.
Things: jewlery, special items ect… make a list of who you want to have what. Again, removes stress later on.
DNR: do you want to be on a vent, CPR done or do you want to just let go of when time comes?
Fill out the papers in advance & make sure they’re in your chart at Dr, hospital. Make sure All your family knows your wishes and knows where a copy of it is. Keep 1 in your purse, wallet, car ect.
Funeral services: do you want to be buried, cremated? Do you want services? Not everyone does. I don’t. My family I spread out in 4 states. It’ll be a burden for them to come & I don’t want them feeling “obligated”. They can get together for vacation when it’s convenient for them to do so & celebrate my life then. I’m dead. I won’t care. Services are for those left behind. It’s not about you.
Hospice: do you want to be in a facility or die at home? Do you want hospice services? Look into what hospice offers. If you want to be comfortable & in as little pain & discomfort, I highly suggest you research it ahead of time.
Treatment: when is enough, enough?
Some are in treatment until they take their last breath.
Some choose to stop treatment and have quality of life for the time they have left. It’s a personal choice but should be thought of & talked about ahead of time. Nothing is set in stone. You can change your mind but having the conversation opens up dialogue that is helpful not only to you, the pt, but also your loved ones.
Know what bills & debts your spouse is obligated to pay once you’re gone. Many think it all must still be paid. Not true all the time. Research and know. Write them down so when in the middle of grief, your spouse has a road map to follow.
I have found all of these things helpful & it has helped bring a lot of peace to me & my family while walking threw this journey of stage 4 cancer.
My husband & adult kids were scared to bring things up.
Didn’t want to upset me.
Didn’t want me to think they had no hope
Talking about it would make it reality
I brought it up. I had to.
See my grandpa died & my grandma was lost. Had no idea where anything was. Knew $$ wise she was fine but had to locate the accounts.
My mom fought Leukemia for 362 days. The entire time my dad refused to talk about any of these things. He was in denial the she only had a 20% chance to live. She was 54 and I was 34. Her & I talked about it without him as he refused. She died without a Will as he refused. Could of been very messy had I of wanted anything. I didn’t so there was no fighting. I had to be the 1 making arrangements as he had no idea if she wanted to be buried or cremated. I was exhausted & mad. I was mad at him for being selfish. I was mad as doing all this was His job, yet it landed on my lap. It delayed my grief process as I had so much to do to help him. He was 60. I swore I’d never do that to my husband or daughters if I was ever dx with cancer.
I was 53 at my stage 4 dx. I am now 56.
I know it hard to talk about your own death.
Nobody wants to.
We’re all told to be positive, no negative.. blah blah blah.
Talking about the above is not being negative.
It’s being realistic to our dx.
Yes we can live 3/5-10-15 yrs after being dxd. Absolutely. We can also be dead within 6 mo as a couple of friends.
I want my husband & kids to be able to grieve without having anything to worry about that we could of taken care of ahead of time. It really does bring peace of mind.
Love & light to all my pink sisters reading this. Sorry it’s so long but I think it’s so very important